Do you ever fantasise about a time where you won't have all the problems you have now?
If you're anything like me you dream of a time where it doesn't feel like there's a 100 things to do, never-ending bills, pressure from your career, stress from friends and family…etc.
For the past three years on New Years' Eve I have religiously said to my partner, "this year is our year - I can feel it!"
The sentiment being that this year will be the time we'll finally "get a break" and won't have the constant stress we've experienced the year before.
We've been through a lot in recent years; bought a house that needed complete renovation, experienced money problems, bereavement on both sides of our family, very poorly pets, significant challenges at work, health issues with periods of burnout and depression. It's not been easy.
But in equal measures, you could argue we've been very lucky and our problems are nothing in comparison to the plight of others.
Getting perspective on your problems can be challenging, but the following two concepts may help you do just that…
Problem Creep
The issue with imagining a future without any problems is two fold.
Firstly, it takes you completely out of the present. When we avoid the present moment we're not just escaping pain but joy as well.
Secondly, we reinforce a false belief that there will be a future without problems. Then, when we "get to the future" and there are still problems, we're unhappy and dissatisfied once more.
The reality is, you are NOT going to have a future without problems. There will always be problems.
Unfortunately, it's partly due to the reality of how our brains work as well as our inability to fully control our lives. In 2018, a researcher by the name David Levari, conducted a series of studies to find out if the human brain searches for problems even when problems become infrequent or don't exist.
In one such study he showed participants a series of human faces who appeared on a spectrum of very intimidating to completely harmless. They were asked to judge which of the faces seemed "threatening". After a couple hundred faces, without their knowledge, the participants were shown fewer and fewer "threatening" faces.
Common sense would suggest this should be black and white, either the person appeared threatening or not. But this wasn't the finding. Levari discovered that humans don't see in black and white, we see in grey. And that shade of grey depends on all the shades that came before it. We adjust our expectations.
As the participants observed less and less threatening faces, they then started to perceive neutral faces as threatening. Levari found a similar result in another study where participants were asked to judge whether a research proposal was ethical or not. In that study, Levari again reduced how many "unethical" research proposals were given to the participants which resulted in ambiguous proposals being judged as "unethical".
Levari defined this finding as "prevalence-induced concept change" or in simpler terms, the author Michael Easter describes it as "problem creep".
Problem creep explains why despite objectively experiencing less problems in life, we don't become more satisfied. Instead, we lower the threshold for what we believe is a problem. We have the same number of "problems" but arguably they are shallower. This is why we can find troubles in nearly any situation, no matter how good we have it. We are constantly moving the goal post. Hence, there is literally a scientific basis for "first-world problems".
What does this mean?
Problem creep happens unconsciously and we can be totally oblivious to how we're creating unnecessary troubles. Gaining awareness of this pattern of behaviour is beneficial as it can help to create perspective.
Is the problem actually a problem? Will this matter in a month, a year, five years?
We can all make fun of the posh prat complaining that the champagne isn't appropriately chilled whilst flying first class, but just be aware we can have our own "champagne moments" and need to challenge ourselves accordingly.
Problems Are What Make Life Interesting
If we accept the notion that we will never be without problems, the next concept to digest is how our problems are actually what give us purpose and meaning.
Why do we read books, watch films, play music, or compete in sport? What do these activities all have in common?
They are problems to be solved.
We read the book and watch the films for the story. If that story didn't have a problem to overcome (i.e., the hero's journey) we would not be interested in watching. It would be boring.
Why do we participate in creative pursuits or sport? Because they are challenging, they are pursuits to master. What makes an activity fulfilling is the battle we have to become better, to improve, to find new ways to develop.
The idea that we should strive for a life without problems is flawed. Not only would this be excessively boring, it would also be entirely impossible (due to problem creep and our lack of total control over our lives).
Therefore, in my opinion, a better way to treat life is to seek out and prioritise better problems.
When we focus on the problems that matter to us, we prioritise meaning and fulfilment.
By accepting the reality that there will never be a time where we will be problem free, we allow ourselves to live more concretely in the present.
We free ourselves from this future ideal that there will be a time where we can start living without problems. That ideal future prevents us from truly experiencing joy in the moment because we wrongly believe that life "hasn't started" yet.
It also gives us permission to realise that we don't have to resolve all of our problems. Sometimes a problem doesn't need to be solved because it simply isn't worth the physical or mental drain. We just have to learn to live with it and reframe its importance.
You could focus on how unbelievably irritating it is that the council still hasn't fixed that pothole in your road, or you can better manage your capacity by focusing on problems that actually matter - your health, your family, your relationships etc.
Concluding Thoughts
Your problems aren't the problem. Your perspective on them is.
Your life will never be free of problems and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can stop prioritising the future over the present.
Instead of trying to live a life without problems, elevate the problems you have. Focus on the problems that actually matter and provide you meaning and fulfilment. Recognise and discount "champagne problems" as these are tricks of the mind and not worth your time or effort.
Remember, you don't need to solve every problem as you will never be problem free.
There will be problems in your life that are significant and painful. Some may be overcome, some may not be. But do not waste your life by waiting for a future that does not involve any problems as this time will never come. Learn to prioritise the right problems at the right time.